She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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