Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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