Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Too much gin, very little bucket
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
