Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
