her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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