also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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