I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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