dude i'm inner monologue high
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
