you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
