So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
