pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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