Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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