If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
