im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
