woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
