I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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