Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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