i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
