first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
