We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He better not be in your backpack
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
