You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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