saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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