Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
