i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
