wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is Oprah even human
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
