people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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