I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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