it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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