I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
