You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
