This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
