i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
time to smoke my breakfast
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
