people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
