haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
