I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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