I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
