Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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