people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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