the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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