i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
