Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
this will be a night to untag.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
