If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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