farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
