I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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