So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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