i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize