my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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