You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize