if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.