i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."