well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
