It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
