Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
