She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
