I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
