That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
