Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
