i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
