His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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