how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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