im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
