GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
