you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
